my brother tried to pick up a banana to make it look like he was talking on the phone but all the bananas in the bunch came with it and he just looked at me and went “i guess it’s a conference call”
don’t encourage him
Making fun of your internet friends like
if I’ve learned anything it would probably be that sometimes when you think people are bad people before you get to know them they usually aren’t, and if a guy describes himself as “a nice guy unlike those assholes” he’s probably a bigger tool than who he thinks is an asshole.
I hit words at random on iOS 8’s new predictive text feature so I could see what type of sentence my phone thinks I’m likely to say, and
when i was around 5 i asked my mom why “some people were different colors” and she said “because god wanted lots of flavors” and let me tell you that was the wrong thing to say because for the next 3 years i thought god ate people when they died